I want to change the old adage we grew up with and revise it
to read instead, “Sticks and stones
might break my bones, but words can really
hurt me.”
Words are powerful.
As a certified word-nerd, I’m enamored with them. I absorb words incessantly - from books and
cereal boxes to advertisements and greeting cards. I appreciate this art form that has the power
to inspire, heal and educate. Carefully
chosen words can soothe a wounded heart, stir a nation and empower the
oppressed. And of course, words said
with venom will wage war, sear the soul, and leave carnage in their wake.
I’m thinking all of this because try as I might to speak the
language of peace, my tongue very often gives in to temptation. My propensity to use it without enough
forethought has landed me in trouble more than once. This week my tongue got me in some trouble,
and I got back what I gave in spades.
Here’s what happened. (Why do I
always seem to be confessing here?
Please write and tell me I’m not the only one!)
Let’s just say I had a brush with the dark side of social
media. I made a comment that, well,
let’s just say, wasn’t well received. It
wasn’t my intention, but I clearly struck a nerve by protesting what I
perceived as a derogatory, divisive post. Can you see where this is going? Yep, my words added some fuel to the flame.
Big mistake on my part.
What ensued was the most vicious verbal attack I’d ever endured. I won’t repeat it here, but suffice it to say
– I had never encountered such maliciousness before. I was shaken to my core.
Recently I’ve fallen in love with the book of Proverbs. Verse after verse speaks to the issue of
choosing words carefully - that the taming of the tongue is the triumph of the
wise. (My paraphrase!) One of my
favorites from chapter 12 advises, “Rash words are like sword thrusts, but the
tongue of the wise brings healing.” Now, why couldn’t I have remembered that
before I made my comment?!
I summoned all of my humility and reached out to apologize
to this man for posting on his page, as we weren’t friends either online or in
real time. Such is the alternative
universe of social media. He didn’t
exactly appreciate my attempt at humility.
And I learned two very important lessons. First, I should always take a breath to
calmly consider the right words. Are
they helpful or hurtful? Do I want to
inflict pain or healing? Is it better
left unsaid, even if I have to bite my tongue?
Notice I’m not saying that holding the tongue is always the best route. How often have you bitten your tongue,
congratulated yourself on your peaceful response, only to seethe and explode
later? What I’m talking about is
measuring my words, and perhaps now and again swallowing them until I can
string the right ones together when I’ve worked through my immediate response.
Second, even when I do speak the language of peace, or offer
apology or concession, there is very often no immediate reward. My words could succeed in diffusing or soothing
– or, they may be scrutinized, labeled as weakness, even persecuted. But it’s what I signed up for in following
Christ – to do my best to emulate his example.
So here’s another adage I’d like to wordsmith a bit. Next time my blood pressure rises, I need to
ask myself, “What would Jesus say?”
Enough about me - what about you? Tell me the last time you tripped over your tongue ... or when someone else burned a bridge with theirs.
(This piece originally appeared in the Ahwatukee Foothills News.)
(This piece originally appeared in the Ahwatukee Foothills News.)
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